Published January 26th at 4:19pm - 237 ♥ - 6 min read
An open letter to myself
First and foremost, I wrote this article as if my conscience were speaking to me. I needed to write what I was feeling and I chose to do it in a way that was unusual for me. Please let me know if you like it.
This start of the year was very hard for you, And I'd like to do an introspection with you to draw the best possible conclusions.
But above all, just know one thing: I'm proud of you. You're managing to keep doing, despite the difficulties, and you're not giving up. Keep up the good work !
Let's take the time to see what's happened.
Too much to do
The first thing is that you wanted to do too much. It's humanly impossible to do all these things at the same time:
- Do the work on the house,
- Cleaning, laundry, tidying,
- Work on all your many projects,
- Take A course to improve your English,
- Help your beloved ones,
- Bills and administratives tasks,
- Physical exercices,
- And many other small things...
You' have a health condition which makes this completely out of reach. Whether you like it or not, you was born with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and there is nothing you can do for that.
By doing all this at the same time, you came to an intense over-indulgence/burn-out and your body decided to say STOP. You collapsed. Everyone told you: "Stop doing so much". I hope this brutal stop will serve as a lesson to you so that you don't fall into the trap again.
You have to be careful how much you do in a day. if you want to do as much as possible, you have to adapt your environment to make things easier and faster. Is that clear enough ?
And if only that were enough...
The differents interruptions
One of the best and worst decision you could have made: Stop take painkillers. You waited until winter, the worst season for pain.
It's a really good thing you've been exercising for the past few months. At least that's kept the muscle pain at bay. But you forgotten the other aches and pains: joints, bones, nerves...
And now? You trying at best to manage this little world of unpleasant sensations, aches and pains with old-fashioned techniques that aren't nearly as effective as a good medication.
On the bright side, you've succeeded where many fail: you've gone through the process of stopping Morphine, Tramadol and Codeine. It was very difficult but it's behind you.
Thanks to this, you're now able to be more focused and alert. Your brain is less "foggy" and you're getting back into a lot of this you'd forgotten. You can do what you need to finally become the person you want to be.
Discontinuation of alcohol
You don't drink alcohol anymore. You didn't think it would do you so much good, did you? After all, you didn't drink it very often. And yet, you realize that your body is better regulated and less erratic, don't you? Why didn't you do it before.
It was hard to stop. The real question now is whether you're going to stop for good, or leave yourself a few opportunities for a good beer or gin.
To allow yourself a drink now and then, here's a tip: Strengthen your body and your health first. You need to be in tip-top shape if you're going to allow yourself to drink alcohol. It can be destructive, especially with your illness. Wouldn't it be wiser to stop altogether? I'll leave you to think about it.
In any case, you haven't had a drink since January 1st and you can already feel the effects of alcohol going away. That's already excellent, bravo to you!
Last year, you smoked more cigarettes than you predicted. And then, at the beginning of January 2024, the last time you visited your family, you smoked one. It tasted weird. It wasn't pleasant.
Isn't it time to quit completely? Prove to people that you can do it, and you'll be healthier for it. And it'll be one more thing you do to become a better person.
You stopped a lot of things and that was really hard. Don't forget that, at the same time, there were other factors . Let's see it all.
Why have you overestimated what your body is capable of? You've been living with your disease for 37 years, and you're still pushing the limits to the point where you have to collapse to rest.
You do a lot of physical exercise and it's great. Not only does it make you stronger and more beautiful, it also takes away the muscle pain. But for God's sake, don't forget the other aches and pains.
You've got brittle joints, elastic skin and organs, fragile nerves and tendons. And sport doesn't take that away! So either you decide to carry on suffering, or you slow down.
It's time you grew up about this. Your genetic condition doesn't allow you to do as much as you'd like. It's up to you to organize yourself better and adapt your environment so that you can do as much as you can without exceeding your limits.
You have the right to breaks. You have the right to rest. You have the right to relax. So now, it's no longer a right but an obligation. If you want your projects to progress and your work to be recognized, I oblige you to take care of yourself.
You'd never have thought that getting into overkill would bring you good things. But it does, and let's find out.
Now you know that stress is dangerous and unnecessary. You've developed a few stratagems to avoid it as much as possible. It's mainly stress that makes you feel pain and addicted to various things. Try to live without it, it can only be good for you.
When your body refuses to move, only your brain works. And when you use it in the right way, good things happen.
This reflection is necessary for your evolution. Find what's best for you, and make your life what you want it to be.
You didn't know how to be patient anymore. I remember a period in your life when people thought you were very patient and thoughtful. It suited you, I thought. You've started to regain your patience with certain things, keep up the good work.
Listening and focusing
You're more rested and have less medication in your blood. You rediscover your cognitive abilities. You can concentrate better. You return to a level of attention that allows you to resume your hobbies (electronics stuff, DIY, coding, etc.).
You'd started before, but let's face it: it's working wonders for you. Sometimes it's hard to motivate yourself, but you've NEVER been unhappy about going to the gym. And you love the feeling when you leave the gym.
You even socialize there while building a better body. A few years ago, no doctor could have predicted how well you were doing. Just over three years ago, when you arrived in Belgium, you were skeletal. Now your muscles are showing!
It's all positive, so keep it up and you'll have your summer body.
Granted, it's been a difficult and painful start to the year. I wish I hadn't had to go through that. But understand that now you're aware of what you mustn't do. What's more, your goals now have a clear path. It's up to you to take it.
You can be proud of yourself. What you've already done and what you plan to do make you a strong person.
Get stronger, build your life and happiness will come to you.
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